There exists a particular breed of well-moisturized predator stalking the ruins of the American dream. Dressed in tailored linen, adorned with foundation-sponsored lanyards and sincerity-shaped lapel pins, they glide from keynote to keynote, murmuring words like “equity,” “impact,” and “community stakeholder engagement” with the precision of a Silicon Valley chatbot trained exclusively on TED Talks and NPR. These are the CEOs of compassion, the millionaires of misery—modern clergy of the nonprofit industrial complex, who have transformed human suffering into a sustainable business model.